Now I know the lockdown hasn’t completely ended but wow, what a bitch slap from 2020.
I actually can’t believe it’s June already, just yesterday it was January. I was eager and excited about the new year, I had laid the foundations in 2019 for 2020, I was sure things would come to manifestation this year and I was head over heels with an amazing guy. But here’s what 2020 brought on so far.
Work didn’t really stop for me. Just before the lockdown, we were given permits to continue to come to work when required #EssentialWorker. The digital department was suddenly very busy, the rest of the workplace finally saw the importance of digital and we had to be quick on our feet with proposals, reports, editorials, news, new was of reporting interviews. All that, while dealing with the shock of what was going on around the world. We quickly had to adapt to seeing the South African National Defense Force on the roads and literally moving around in a ghost town with everyone indoors.
A part of me was grateful for the responsibility of being an essential worker because it kept me sane but the quarantine didn’t let me escape my issues.
I’m a healthy person in general, however, the lockdown forced me to slow down because I was doing too much. I realized how I love what I do but I was feeling exhausted; physically and mentally. At the rate that I was going I needed to pause and regroup. The first month of the quarantine was spent taking care of my spiritual health.
Just before the lockdown, I got into a fight with a friend which hit me hard and I had to literally stop, cry it out and look forward to better days. I complimented this pause with a lot of physical exercise to get me to at least attend a few necessary meetings.
I also embarked on a 40-day prayer and meditation with a friend and I saw more flames. But on the other side of the 40-day prayer and meditation, I was a lighter person. I learned to see things differently and to accept what was going on. I also loosened up a bit, it’s not that serious you know.
I quarantined with my family; mom, dad, sister and brother. I thought the whole thing would be a disaster, being in each other’s faces all day every day. Don’t get me wrong, I love these beings but like any other family we spent the bulk of our time at work during the week and ventured into groove during some weekends. Now we had nowhere to go. The first week was loud, we all played our own music loudly and slept late, after a while we settled in and got to know each other.
I learned that my mother’s love language to her husband is cooking and baking, she made sure he was well fed throughout the lockdown. My dad is a funny man, the laughter helped us to feel like this lockdown was not the end of the world. My sister kept her calm when everyone was too loud, I admire how she still stuck to her daily routine throughout. Slept at the same time, and woke up at the same time. My brother has grown so much, it’s been beautiful watching him being a proactive dad.
I spend more time with them during this lockdown than I did in the past couple of years.
Just when I thought I had it, a plot twist come along. Remember that fight with a friend I mentioned earlier, one moment I was in chats with this friend every day and the next thing a weekend could go by without us talking. What I learned here though is how to clearly define my desires and communicate them to the other person. Go with the flow will have you flowing to nowhere, and then you’ll blame the wind for doing its job.
I really adored this guy but I couldn’t be vulnerable enough to admit it and let him know. Also, because of past hurts, it was easier to start a fight rather than wear my heart on my sleeve. I now know what I want and learning to articulate it. Besides our little drama, it’s been such a pleasure to watch his growth in his career. I gained a great friend in him (again) after the storm calmed down.
I remember one of my life coaches warning us last year that 2020 was gonna be a life-changing year, of course we thought that means we would get married, all the money would follow us like Davido sang, #NewYearNewMe. What she really meant was that everything we are avoiding would come back to make sure we face it and deal with it. If you were not taking care of your health, it would show. If you are too scared to love again, it would show. If you’re neglecting yourself and putting others first, it would show. We would be forced to keep still and deal with it all.
Creatively, this lockdown time was the most creative I’ve been in a while. Guys, I’m a Tik Tok celebrity with 142 followers. Lol. I’ve created content I’ve been too scared to create and release and I’ve improved my video editing skills. I’ve learned to create from an authentic and raw state and it has been good for me. I trust myself (and my ideas) again.
I don’t know about you, but I am looking forward to a great year still. The rest of the year will be more self-centered with me prioritizing my health; spiritually, mentally and physically, and taking care of my heart. I’m also writing again.
I’m soaking in excitement, the rest of the year will be the best of the year!